


In The Mourning

by Epsilon_Eridani



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: F/M, Reader Insert
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-09-07
Updated: 2015-09-07
Packaged: 2018-04-19 15:44:02
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,788
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4751915
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Epsilon_Eridani/pseuds/Epsilon_Eridani
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>~~~<br/>And it takes all my strength not to dig you up<br/>From the ground in which you lay<br/>The biggest part of me<br/>You were the greatest thing<br/>And now you're just a memory<br/>To let go of.<br/>~~~</p>
            </blockquote>





	In The Mourning

**Author's Note:**

> Note: so this was going to just be a little thing inspired by the song "In the Mourning" by Paramore but it turned into almost 3,000 words. If any of my descriptions or characters are OOC please tell me. I'm trying to do my best to keep everyone in character.

You sit alone in the apartment on the Hogwarts Express. The events of your fourth year at Hogwarts have left you exhausted and numb. You shuffle through your bag and pull out your IPod, a muggle device that you've grown fond of these past weeks alone. You untangle your headphones and push them into your ears, hitting shuffle and curling up in the corner of the apartment.

~~~  
You escaped like a runaway train  
off the tracks and down again  
and my heart's beating like a steam boat tugging  
all your burdens, on my shoulders  
~~~

You let out a quiet moan when you realize what song's playing. You can't keep the images out of your head so you turn the volume up and press your face against the cool glass of the window. The memories fly through your vision and you can't stop them.

~Flashback~

You sit nervously in the stands, fiddling with the end of your blue and bronze scarf, running your fingers over the eagle adorns the end of it while chewing on your thumb nail. You hate waiting. Especially when your brother is involved in the Tri-Wizard Cup. You couldn't believe he made it this far, you hope with all your heart he wins, so you two can make up. You didn't want him to participate and he didn't want you to be in Ravenclaw where he can't keep an eye on you.

"Look! There they are!" Someone shouts, you stand up and stand on your seat to see over all the tall people's head. Your heart plummets when you realize Harry Potter is holding a body, your brother's body.

You feel an inhuman keen leave your throat while you shove through the stunned crowd. Before you can get very far, someone wraps their arms around you and pulls you to their chest. You look up to find your best friend holding you back, tears in her eyes.

"Let me go! Cedric!" you scream, elbowing her and racing to the arena, but again you're held back, this time by Ron Weasley.

"Cedric! Cedric! Let me go you oaf! He's my brother, let me go!" you struggle against Ron's grip but he keeps a firm arm around your waist, the other settling on your shoulder. Hermione hugs you tightly while you shake, still trying weakly to get out of Ron's grip.

"Please, he's my brother…." you whisper, finally pulling away and going over to him, you pull his head into your lap and gently stroke his hair out of his face.

"Sleep well Cedric." you choke out, kissing his forehead and standing beside your father, stubbornly refusing to let another tear fall. Your father clutches your hand tightly while your eyes scan Harry Potter. He's in a worse state than yourself. You go over to him and place a hand on his shoulder; he turns and looks at you, tears sliding down his face, his green eyes shining.

"It's okay Harry, I don't blame you." you whisper and grip his shoulder, giving him a shaky smile that's more of a grimace before turning and fleeing the stadium, not wanting anyone else to see your tears. You run down the halls to the Ravenclaw commons room, barely being able to sob out the password before yanking the door open and collapsing into your favourite chair; pressing a hand against your face and trying your best not to hyperventilate.

"[Name]? Are you in here?" Luna Lovegood, your best friend comes and sits next to you, drawing you into her arms and letting you sob on her shoulder.

~End Flashback~

~~~  
In the mourning, I'll rise  
and in the mourning I'll let you die  
In the mourning all my worries  
~~~

"[Name], is it okay if we sit in here? The other cars are full," You shoot into a sitting position and wipe your eyes. looking and Hermione, Ron, and Harry who are standing at the entrance of the car. You nod, putting your headphones back in and pulling your knees to your chest, curling your arms around them and resting your forehead on your thighs. The three friends quietly settle into the apartment. Hermione is the only one who's brave enough to sit by you.

The four of you just sit in silence until Luna comes in and wedges herself between you and Hermione, making Hermione roll her eyes slightly.

"How're you doing [Name]?" she asks softly, putting an arm around your shoulders and leaning against you, her radish earrings swinging wildly. You smile softly and snuggle closer to her.

"I'm fine," You whisper, barely hearing your own voice. Luna grabs your chin and makes you look at her.

"But are you okay? Being fine and being okay are two very different things," You suddenly feel the lump in your throat getting bigger at her wise words.

~~~  
Now there's nothing but time that's wasted  
And words that have no back bone  
Now it seems like the whole world's waiting  
Can you hear the, echoes fading?  
~~~

"N-no Luna, I'm not o-okay" You whisper, burying your face in your hands. Harry looks over at you and feels guilt well up in his chest.

The usually put together [H/c]-ette is disheveled, looking like you haven't taken the time to brush your hair properly in a long time. Your face is gaunt and pale, reflecting the rest of your body, which looks underfed. You've already changed out of school robes and into a pair of sweat pants and a cardigan that, painfully, obviously had belonged to Cedric. He reaches over and places a hand on your knee, not knowing better how to comfort you.

"[Name] I'm-"

"Don't Harry, don't you dare say you're sorry." You cut him off, sniffling and wiping your face with the sleeve of the cardigan. You breathe deeply, inhaling the scent of your brother and scrunching up your face, trying hard not to cry again.

"It's not your fault, Cedric wouldn't have ever wanted you to blame yourself. He really did like you Harry, and he hoped if he didn't win you would," Harry blinks at you, tears filling his own eyes at the sight of you so devotedly defending him.

"But I-" you cut him off again.

"I don't wanna hear it, it wasn't your fault and I know the guilt is eating you alive. It's okay Harry." You say, lunging forward and hugging him when you see his tears. you hug him fiercely and pull back, cheeks flushing at your sudden forwardness.

~~~  
In the mourning, I'll rise  
and in the mourning I'll let you die  
In the mourning all my sorrows  
~~~

"What're you guys doing this summer?" you ask quietly, trying to make normal conversation. You listen to their half-hearted answers and they look at you.

"I-I don't know what I'm going to be doing this summer," you confess, looking down at your hands "Cedric was the one who planned our summers, this year we we're going to travel to America to visit our friends there." you bring the ring you've been clutching to your lips and kiss it gently.

"I'm sure I'm still going, I have to tell them after all. I think it'll do me some good. England just reminds me too much of him…" The rest of the ride home is filled with small talk avoiding the subject of your brother, much to your relief. You part ways, Luna promising to write you every chance she gets.

You never leave England in the summer. You spend most of your days walking the streets, reliving memories of your late brother and writing letters to him. You tuck them into your books, and all around the city.

 

You sigh and look down at the piece of paper sitting in front of you. You bite your lip and begin to write again, losing yourself in the familiar feel of the quill scratching against the page. Your hand trembles and your eyes glaze over.

Dear Cedric,  
Things here have been hard, dad's been at work more than ever. He rarely comes home  
except to sleep. Mum's a wreck, she hardly eats and I hear her cry almost every night; when I go  
in to check on her she always says she's fine. But there's a difference between being fine and  
being okay. I haven't been sleeping well either, I just keep getting nightmares to wake up and  
realize that my life is a nightmare. Cedric, when will you be home? We all miss you so much,  
even Harry Potter feels bad about what happened, yeah, the boy who lived is torn up about you  
leaving. You've left a gaping wound in my heart and soul. Cedric I can't live without you, you're  
the only one who understands me. Please come home soon.

Love forever,  
[Name]

You fold the letter and seal it, pressing Cedric's ring into the soft wax and attach it to the leg of your Great Horned owl.

"Find somewhere to drop it, don't give it to anyone." you mumble, shooing her off and pressing your head against the desk.

Meanwhile your bird brings the letters to where she's been bringing them all summer. Hermione Granger. She looks out the window and sees the same bird she's seen all summer, no doubting that it's the same one.

"Blasted bird…." she mutters and goes out to chase it away. When the bird finally leaves, Hermione huffs and steps back. When a crinkling sound ensues she steps forward again and looks down to see a letter with her footprint on it. She picks it up and blanches when she sees what it reads.

To Cedric Diggory

Peering around to make sure it's not some kind of sick joke, Hermione then proceeds to open the letter and scan its contents, eyes widening when she reads it. She clutches the letter and looks around for more. She soon finds them in a neat pile against the base of a tree. She reads them all and begins to fear for your life, it's obvious that your mental health is going downhill quite fast from what the letters tell her. She runs back into Sirius' house and straight into Harry.

"Harry! Oh Harry we have to go help [Name] !" She bursts out, holding the pile of letters out to Harry. He takes them and reads them as quickly as possible.

"How do we find her?" He asks, setting the letters aside.

"She puts her address on the back of all then envelopes, c'mon let's go tell Sirius!" She grabs Harry's hand and pulls him down the stairs and to where Sirius is sitting. They explain the situation and he breathes out slowly.

"Your friend, [Name], is in need of obvious help, or at least friends. I'll come with you two to get her and bring her back here"

"No" Sirius and Hermione look over at Harry, he's standing with his back to them, his fists clenched.

"This….. This is my fault, if I hadn't let Cedric get killed then [Name] would be fine; she wouldn't be in this state. I'm going alone" Before Sirius or Hermione could stop him or even utter a word, he had his broom and was out the door, letter in hand to go to your home.

You lay on your bed and sigh deeply. The headphones in your ears are soon pushed to the floor along with your IPod and sweater. You run your fingers across the offending lines and bumps knowing that Cedric will never be able to force you back into remission again.

~~~  
And it takes all my strength not to dig you up  
From the ground in which you lay  
The biggest part of me  
You were the greatest thing  
And now you're just a memory  
To let go of.  
~~~

You jump up and dash away your tears. Grabbing a pair of trainers you rush out the door and run down the street toward the cemetery that your brother is buried in. You slide to a halt at the gates, taking your key and unlocking the padlock and swinging the rusty gate open, wincing at the ear piercing shrieking they produce on their rusted hinges. You shuffle past unkempt graves with faded markers to sit before the newest grave.

It took you hours to convince your father to bury Cedric with grandmother; she was the only one who actually cared about the two of you. Your parents only ever thought of you two as dolls to live out their childhood fantasies. Your grip tightens around the bouquet of pale pink and white roses held in your hand, the cellophane crinkling in your tight grip. You clear the old dried lilies from his grave and place the fresh roses in the vase that you placed in front of his tombstone. Your father had used magic to grow the grass out on his grave so your mother wouldn't be as traumatized when she finally visits his grave.

Your mother…. Your brow furrows when you think of the fragile woman who bore you and your brother. She never really connected with you, you were always right along with Cedric in whatever plans he had cooked up. Some of pranks the two of you pulled on your father's secretary would have made the Weasley twins proud.

" Hey Cedric, it's me again." you squint at the sunlight in your eyes and sit Indian style by his headstone.

"Mum still hasn't come for a visit. I don't think she ever will, she didn't even come to the funeral, dad keeps saying she's too fragile to come out and see you. I think that's utter bull, she never leaves her room anymore, sometimes I think she's dead but then she comes out and acts like she used to. Before you left. Then it's like she remembers and she drops everything to go back into her room. I've had to clean up so many broken mugs." you grimace at the memory and shuffle closer to the headstone. Your wrap your arms around it and press your front to the cold, hard marble header.

"I miss you so much." you whisper, shivering, tears streaming down your face. You hug the grave marker even closer while your body shakes with sobs.

"[Name]? Where are you?" you stiffen and try to make yourself smaller but your sniffles and ragged breaths give you away. Harry's lanky form comes into view and you try your hardest not to let him see your face.

You flinch when he sits next to you, but he doesn't reach out to touch you. Instead he begins to hum, which in turn makes you shuffle closer to the headstone. You know exactly what he's humming. It's the tune you and Cedric always were humming, something you composed in your first year at Hogwarts. You still remember the proud look on his face when you played it for him.

~~~  
In the mourning I'll rise  
In the mourning I'll let you die  
In the mourning all my sorrows  
~~~

Harry winces softly while he watches you, but he never stops humming. The lines on your arms that used to be faint are now bright red and puffy. A few still had blood beading up and falling down to stain your pants. He gently takes your arm, watching you flinch when he runs his fingers down the cuts.

"Oh [Name]....." you try to tug your arm away but Harry keeps a firm, but gentle, grip before pulling your into his arms, letting your rest your head against his shoulder.

"I just miss him so much" you gasp, tears overrunning your eyes and sliding down your face while your hands clutch the back of Harry's jumper. He strokes your back, pulling you closer. You mould yourself to him, tears staining his jumper. He doesn't move, keeping you close and letting your grieve.

"I know it hurts [Name], and I'm sorry you've had to go through all of this pain, but Cedric will always be looking down on you. He loves you too much to ever truly leave you alone. He left me here to love you for the both of us." Harry mutters into your hair, his hands never stopping stroking your back.

"I'm scared of who I'll become without him.'' you murmur, calming down some. He sighs and squeeze you before letting you sit back, rubbing your face with his sleeves. You rest your forehead against his, trying to keep your breathing even.

"I'm so scared, Harry." you admit, he brings you close again.

"That's okay, [Name], it's okay to be scared. But I promise I'll protect you."

~~~  
In the mourning I'll rise  
In the mourning I'll let you die  
In the mourning all my sorrows.  
~~~


End file.
